Balancing Trust
by Fallain
Summary: "I can't trust you." Was what Emma said. "I can't trust myself", was what she meant. Spoilers for 3x19 and thoughts on why Emma seemed so harsh on Killian. One-Shot


I've got several Captain Swan drabbles floating around on my computer but after last night's episode, this will be the first one that I publish. I feel like the Captain Swan fans could use a bit of hope right now.

Beta'd by the most patient and understanding girl I know: Gabe. Thanks so much hun.

"I can't trust you now." Was what she said.

"I can't trust myself now." Was what she meant.

As Emma, Regina and the Charmings rushed towards the docks to find Henry, all they could see was monkeys flying in from all sides and their run broke out into a dead sprint that burned her lungs as Emma pushed her body faster and faster beyond it's limits, faster than she'd even run in her life. As several gunshots rang out through the air, her legs somehow found one last burst of energy to carry her quicker than ever as if her magic was fueling her.

Gunshots. Someone was with Henry at least and that someone had a gun. Emma could only think of a handful of people with a gun and one of them was already with her. Another had been mysteriously missing from their meeting earlier.

True to his nature, it's Killian at the docks with Henry and with Smee even. Despite the winged abominations surrounding them, she could let relief wash over her for a second that Killian was there brandishing his antique pistol at anything with fur. But it's his scream for Henry that makes her blood run cold, a pained tremor in his usually strong and husky voice that she never thought she'd hear.

She never doubted that he would defend Henry. She never doubted that Killian was on her side. But with Zelena's accusations, Emma had to finally pry the truth about why Killian had been distant from him. Why he refused dinner with them, why he missed the meeting when he never turns down an excuse to be near her and what he's been hiding from her. But she never thought the answer would be a curse.

A curse on his kiss. It was almost unbelievable. One kiss from him and all of Emma's magic would be taken away, the magic that Killian believed in, the magic that she was finally starting to master. As furious as she is over his decision to leave her out of plans with her son and at risking Henry's life, Emma understands finally why her pirate had been avoiding her so heavily. It's a bittersweet heartbreak to finally know that it was a curse that drove him away. He'd left to keep Emma's magic safe.

And now she had to do the same.

Now, knowing that if their lips ever touched that she'd lose her magic, she had to take a huge step back. She already felt like she was balancing on thin ice and now it was cracking under the pressure. Just when she had been getting close to him, getting to really know him and trust him and see him past the pirate that she first met in disguise. He wasn't Captain Hook anymore, he was Killian Jones, her Killian... And if she was to try and keep close to him regardless of this, how could she stop herself from completely falling? No. She couldn't fall. She couldn't get lost in the moment and let herself kiss him and try to have a happy ending.

How many times had she already come so close to throwing in the towel? Regina saw the way Killian caught Emma's attention far before she'd allow herself to do it and when he started putting a cold distance between them it only made her want to cave in all the more. Because she knew what would bring him back to her...or At least she thought she had known at the time. She had thought that if she went to him, asked him not to give up on waiting for her, kissed him...then She could bring him back into her life. And now she knew that their kiss that was supposed to start a happy ending would do nothing but close the book on their story.

Her words back in New York echo as true as ever. The life I want isn't in the cards. At least, not for the Savior. All magic came with a price and it seemed like Emma was constantly the one paying it. And now, her payment would be tearing her own heart in half as she looks to Killian and sees him emotionally shattered.

"I can't trust you now." She said.

I can't trust myself now. She meant.


End file.
